Egg donation gave us the chance to bring a child into the world

When Joanna’s treatment for a rare form of ovarian cancer left her unable to conceive, she thought her dreams of parenthood had been shattered. But someone else’s kindness offered her and partner Gary a new hope, welcoming Theo into the world with the help of an egg donor.  

Joanna and Gary’s story 

In 2013, Project Manager Joanna was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer when a rugby ball-sized cyst was found on her right ovary. A year after the cyst was removed, the cancer had spread to her para-aortic lymph nodes. Given a 5-10% survival rate, Joanna underwent six weeks of chemotherapy, major surgery to remove her lymph nodes and a further two weeks of chemotherapy. This was then followed by six months of high dose chemotherapy as well as a stem cell transplant regime.  

Aged just 26 at the time, Joanna had always known she wanted children, but despite the knowledge that chemotherapy would damage her reproductive organs, the severity of her condition meant it wasn’t safe for her to delay treatment to freeze her eggs.  

“My doctors felt that we needed to get on with the chemotherapy as quickly as possible and freezing my eggs would have prolonged that,” explains Joanna.  

“As well as that, because they knew so little about the type of cancer I had, there was concern about how the cancer would react to the hormone medication needed to freeze my eggs. So, it was decided my best option was to begin chemotherapy straightaway. 

“It played on my mind, especially as I’d have liked multiple children, but I knew that if I didn’t survive the cancer then I wouldn’t be having kids anyway. Having treatment was my only option so I had to push the concerns over my fertility to the back of my mind.” 

"It was assumed I’d go into menopause very quickly.” 

Joanna finished her cancer treatment in 2015, and against all odds, has been cancer-free ever since. But in the months and years that followed, she had to come to terms with the loss of her fertility; an experience that came with mixed emotions, with numerous ultrasounds giving differing accounts of whether she had any viable eggs remaining.  

“I have regular ultrasounds to check for any new cancer and there were a couple where they thought I might have some very immature eggs left. But then a few months later, I had another ultrasound where they said my ovaries were completely shrivelled up. 

“Every time I was given a little bit of hope I wondered if I might be one of the lucky ones. There would be moments where I’d be like ‘oh my god, something good is happening’, and then everything would come crashing back down again,” says Joanna.  

Eventually, Joanna began hormone replacement therapy to help with menopausal side effects, making it all the more real that her hopes of conceiving a genetic child were sadly out of sight.  

"I had to grieve the loss of a genetic child.” 

As Joanna’s friends began settling down and having children of their own, she admits growing dismissive of other routes to parenthood, finding it a tough subject to navigate.  

“At the time, I don’t think I’d fully processed the loss of being able to conceive naturally, so I became dismissive of all other options,” she explains.  

“I would get quite frustrated with my family and friends when they asked why I wouldn’t consider egg donation. I knew it was a feasible option, but I think if you’re not in that situation you can’t understand what it means to grieve the loss of a genetic child.” 

Joanna also admits that she found dating following her cancer diagnosis difficult, which made it harder for her to acknowledge the routes available to her for starting a family.  

“Initially, it was because we didn’t know if the cancer would come back. They said if I got to five years in remission then I’ve got as much chance as anyone else has of getting it again, but it’s always there in the back of your mind. And the cancer treatment has left me with a few side effects – I wear hearing aids and I have neuropathy in my feet and lower legs – so it’s a lot to share with someone new. 

“And having gone through the menopause, I knew I’d need to have those conversations about how children wouldn’t be achieved through the normal route. I think I always thought that as I couldn’t have children, no one would want me.” 

"The older I got, the more I realised I couldn’t ignore it.” 

In 2018, Joanna met Gary, a Business Development Manager, on Tinder and her view on egg donation began to shift.  

“Because we were now that bit older, we had the conversation about children quite early on. At the time, I don’t think Gary fully realised there was no chance of us conceiving naturally but when I mentioned egg donation, he said that he’d be open to it if that’s what I wanted. 

“I knew I wanted to be a Mum, but I didn’t know if I could get my head around the route we would have to take to become parents,” she says 

Recognising that part of her fear could be down to not knowing enough about what that journey would look like, Joanna began researching egg donation online.  

“I found a couple of people in America that had gone through egg donation. Not necessarily because of cancer but because they had fertility issues of their own. I think reading their stories made me see that it’s not just about genetics – I would get to carry that baby, grow that baby. Just because it wasn’t my egg, didn’t make the baby any less my own.” 

Now reassured that using an egg donor was the best option for her and Gary to build their family, Joanna contacted her GP to explore her options. Unfortunately, the criteria for NHS funding in her area meant that she no longer qualified for financial support due to her age. However, her GP suggested that she apply for NHS funding under exceptional circumstances because of her cancer diagnosis and treatment.  

“I went on autopilot until we started talking about characteristics.” 

In 2023, Joanna and Gary were awarded NHS funding under exceptional circumstances for one round of IVF. They were referred to TFP Oxford Fertility where, with the help of Donation Lead, Stacey Rohling, they began their search for an egg donor.  

At TFP Fertility, egg recipients are matched to an egg donor that is as close to a genetic match as possible in terms of ethnicity, skin tone, hair and eye colour, height and weight.  

“It took a while for us to find a match, and I found this part of the journey quite emotional,” shares Joanna. “I remember emailing Stacey a few times asking if there was an update, if they’d found anyone that would be suitable. 

“At one point, Stacey said there was a donor I could consider but they were a bit shorter and a bit heavier than me, so we agreed to wait until we found someone that was more like me.” 

By June, an ideal match for Joanna had been found, and she recalls feeling reassured that Stacey had met the donor and that she could see the similarities for herself. 

“Of course, she couldn’t share too much as donors are anonymous, but it was a relief to know that she’d met them, that this person existed, and that she was as close as we were going to get.” 

“I still don’t know which one Theo was.”

As a result of her egg donor’s treatment, 15 eggs were donated to Joanna and Gary for their own treatment. The eggs were frozen whilst Joanna’s body prepared for a hormone-regulated transfer which involved a short course of oestrogen and progesterone to ensure her womb lining was thick enough for implantation.  

“My body wasn’t playing ball initially – I had a bleed in the middle of the medication which I wasn’t supposed to. I had to stop the medication, go back onto the HRT and wait for my next cycle. The second time around, they increased my oestrogen dosage, and the transfer was scheduled for August.” 

Of the 15 eggs donated, eight were fertilised with Gary’s sperm and left to develop into mature embryos. At TFP Fertility, embryos are grown for 5-6 days until they reach the blastocyst stage – at which point, they are ready for implantation. By day six, Joanna and Gary had two healthy embryos.  

“Out of the two, one was really good and the other one was borderline, so it was recommended that we have both transferred to give us the best chance of success.” 

“I couldn’t wait any longer to take a test.”  

As a much-needed distraction, Joanna and Gary joined Gary’s family at Center Parcs for a family holiday the week after their embryo transfer. On their way home a little over a week later, Joanna knew she couldn’t wait any longer to find out if their treatment had been successful.  

“Gary tried to get me to wait the full two weeks, telling me I’d be really upset if it was negative and too early to tell, but we needed to get dinner from Tesco so I couldn’t not buy a pregnancy test too,” says Joanna.  

“When it was positive I couldn’t believe it! I started to question myself and ended up testing every day up until the official two-week test given to us by the clinic.” 

More than 10 years after being given a mere 5-10% chance of survival and accepting that she may never achieve her dream of parenthood, Joanna and Gary welcomed baby boy Theo into their lives in May 2024.  

“It’s been an incredibly emotional journey, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. We’re both so grateful that we’ve been given the chance to bring a child into the world.” 

“I’ll always be honest with Theo as he gets older about where he came from. I want him to know how special he was and how much he was wanted.”